


Honey Biscuits

by kissingandcrying



Series: Senior Citizen Sassmaster [1]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 16:04:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7274590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissingandcrying/pseuds/kissingandcrying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Like what’s the plan for today. Bit of gardening? Cooking? What?”</p><p>Harry lowers the paper just enough and peers over the top at Eggsy in an unimpressed manner. Eggsy can’t help it. He looks down at the table and smiles because he’s a little shit who likes to rub Harry’s retirement in his face. “I’m not sure. Perhaps I’ll remind myself how to remotely detonate explosives.”</p><p>Perhaps petulant isn’t a strong enough word for a man like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honey Biscuits

**Author's Note:**

  * For [leggsyunwin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leggsyunwin/gifts).



If there’s one thing Eggsy knows for _certain_ about Harry Hart, it’s that he can’t be told what to do. He gets petulant; he doesn’t want to be bossed around. Though he’s more then open to suggestion, a command isn’t something he can work with.

“Alright, so what are we gonna do today then?”

Eggsy’s trying his hardest not to smile while he sits across the table from Harry who's still in his bathrobe with the paper open in front of his face so that Eggsy can’t see him.

“I don’t understand the question.”

“Like what’s the plan for today. Bit of gardening? Cooking? What?”

Harry lowers the paper just enough and peers over the top at Eggsy in an unimpressed manner. Eggsy can’t help it. He looks down at the table and smiles because he’s a little shit who likes to rub Harry’s retirement in his face. “I’m not sure. Perhaps I’ll remind myself how to remotely detonate explosives.”

Perhaps petulant isn’t a strong enough word for a man like this.

“ _No_ ,” Eggsy says. “You can’t fucking do that. Why don’t you just play chess like every other grandad? Bake a cake. Make some biscuits or like, read.”

Harry raises the paper again and says, “You’ll be late.”

Eggsy makes a show of looking down at his watch before realizing that he’s actually going to be really late. “Oh, shit.” He jumps up out of his seat, tugging his suit down and then moving to give Harry a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll be back. No more breaking in, Harry. I’m serious. Merlin’s not got any hair to lose so the next thing to go is his eyebrows. I’m not sure I can handle that.”

“Not to worry. I’ll be here.” Harry says. “Gardening.”

“With plants.” Eggsy reminds him. “Nothing weird.”

Eggsy thinks it’s worked this time. He calls Merlin and asks for a ride because it’s the only way for Merlin to see he recognizes his tardiness. The man only reprimands him for a minute and its well worth it considering Eggsy gets to sit in the back of the taxi with all the alcohol.

But then he gets to work and Merlin is recognizably _not calm_.

“Eggsy,” Merlin calls. Eggsy's heaving as if he’s run a mile even though he'd walked quite calmly from the taxi to the office. It’s a ploy to get Merlin’s sympathy but apparently it’s not working because Merlin looks frustrated. “Have you managed to have that talk with Harry?”

“Yeah, this morning.”

“Right. Well you’ve barely stepped in the door and I’ve had three security breaches, one being a perimeter breach.”

“Peri…meter breach? He’s fucking _here before me?_ He doesn’t even work here anymore. _”_

Merlin turns around in his chair. “Not only did he manage to get here before you, he dropped your bloody dog off on the front steps _and_ got back home before you pulled up.”

“Jesus Christ.” Eggsy says. He’s actually quite awed by Harry’s accomplishments. “Where’s JB?”

As if hearing his daddy’s voice is the highlight of his day, the pug comes trotting out from beneath Merlin’s desk. “There’s a lesson here on punctuality,” Merlin tells him. “but I’ll leave it alone because I’ll need for you to put your efforts and time into getting Harry to actually retire.”

“I can’t. He won’t listen. You know he doesn’t like being told what to do.”

“Well that’s your husband,” Merlin reminds him. “So you’re our best shot.”

“I have to go back?”

“If you would. Lancelot’s on a mission at the moment and I’m handling her. I can’t reassign you until we’ve reigned him in. I suspected it might be a bit like this so I cleared your schedule a few weeks back. Go check on him. You've got time.”

So Eggsy scoops up JB and storms out of Kingsman. They go back together with Eggsy coddling the dog the entire way, and when they get home Eggsy goes back to being a bit peeved and a lot amused by Harry’s inability to sit still.

When he nudges open the front door he’s assaulted by the smell of biscuits.

“HARRY!” Eggsy yells.

“In here, Eggsy.” Harry calls back.

Eggsy puts JB down which is pointless since the dog follows him into the kitchen. He sees Harry with an apron on at the counter and he looks innocent. Not a hair out of place, biscuits cooking and some stodgy pudding sitting on the counter that wasn’t there before. It hasn’t even been an hour.

“Short day at the office?” Harry asks. His back is turned and so Eggsy can only _hear_ the smile in his voice.

“You’re a little shit.” Eggsy tells him.

“That’s not a very nice thing to say. Would you like some pudding?”

When Harry turns around he looks so pleased with himself. Eggsy fucking loves pudding, so he takes it even if it means renouncing some of his pride. “Yeah, alright.”

Harry fixes him a larger bowl then he needs, but he eats the entire thing. Then he sits there and watches Harry bake fucking biscuits and drizzle honey on them. “I didn’t expect you back so soon. You know I miss you when you’re gone, but grandads like me do enjoy the peace and quiet occasionally.”

“Love you, Harry.” Eggsy says because he’s gonna start laughing if he actually thinks about what Harry did this morning and that's not acceptable. He's supposed to be reprimanding him for it. “Can I have a biscuit?”

“Of course, darling. I made them for you.”

“So you knew I’d be back?”

“You do live here.”

“Harry, you really can’t keep doing this. At some point you have to actually, you know. Retire.”

“Allow me to make my peace with it in whichever way.” Harry requests.

“No, because you’re doing Merlin’s head in. Last week you set off the fire alarms and you got all his paperwork wet.”

Harry looks wholly unconcerned. He takes a seat beside Eggsy and hands him a biscuit. The top is smothered in Strawberry cream. “Merlin doesn’t keep paper copies of anything. Don’t let him fool you into thinking that I’m making things worse. He’s secretly enjoying it. Try this.”

He nudges the biscuit into Eggsy’s mouth so that Eggsy can’t respond.

“Besides, JB seemed to enjoy the ride. He clearly doesn’t mind helicopters.”

Eggsy all but chokes on his biscuit. He coughs out breading and Harry reaches out to pat his back so that he won’t actually choke.

-

Speaking to Harry doesn’t work. The man isn’t interested in negotiating the conditions of his release from Kingsman. He’s also managed to convince all of the agents that he hasn’t actually done anything, that he's retired quietly, and that Merlin is old and paranoid.

In an attempt to keep him busy, Eggsy has set him up an account on Instagram which he assumes Harry won’t use, but of course because he’s a little shit he does. He posts images of cakes and cookies, of plants and other escapades _while_ remotely breaking into the Merlin’s server. He uses the timestamp on the images as an alibi and it’s clearly bullshit, but Eggsy loves him too much to call him on it and Merlin’s too tired to argue.

When Eggsy returns home in the evenings he tries to catch Harry off guard, but all he finds are food and plants.

Then there’s Purrlin.

Harry finds a kitten in the garden and decides that it’s worth investing time into. Eggsy comes home one day to find a small ball of fur pouncing all around JB’s feet. He almost steps on the fucking thing which is stressful.

“Uhm. Harry.”

“Yes, Eggsy.”

Harry’s coming down the stairs looking as if there isn’t a cat flouncing around the entryway.

“We don’t have a cat.” Eggsy tells him, waving his arms in the direction of the thing.

“Didn’t.” Harry says. “We didn’t have a cat.”

“Alright, you know what.” Eggsy strips off his suit jacket and then goes to nudge Harry back up the stairs. The two of them could do with a good talk about all of this. “C’mon, babe. Let’s go up here for a second.”

They go to Harry’s office and Harry takes a seat behind his desk which isn’t any good, because Eggsy is putty when he’s sitting back there like that – leaned back just so, hands folded over his chest. He tries not to look but you can’t talk to someone without eye contact so he decides _fuck it_ and goes to sit sideways on Harry’s lap, legs hiked up over the arm rests of the chair. It'll make the whole conversation easier. 

Harry accommodates him easily. He slides the seat back enough that Eggsy’s legs will be comfortable.

“Alright, what’s going on with you?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Harry says.

“Harry. I know you’re not happy about retirement. Talk to me. What can I do to make it better?”

Harry leans up for a kiss. This is what’s known as a diversion, Eggsy thinks amusedly, but then Harry actually answers him so maybe it isn’t. “I suppose I’ve only recently realized that there’s not much for an old man to do around here.”

“Oh, Harry’s _bored_.” Eggsy says. “So he’s gone and gotten himself some pussy.”

Harry smacks his thigh but he smiles all the same.

“Her name is Purrlin. I’ve taken a picture and made a postcard of it. I’ll send it to Merlin tomorrow.”

“Oh my god,” Eggsy laughs. “You’ve gone fucking barmy.”

The conversation isn’t very long, though Eggsy throws out some ideas for things that Harry can do with his time while Eggsy’s not home. They’re things that require him to stay fit, like rock climbing or delivering packages or some other such nonsense. Then they spend the rest of the afternoon snogging in Harry’s office chair until JB comes into the office wheezing from climbing up the stairs. 

“He’s gotten fatter.” Eggsy comments.

“Mm.” Harry says, refusing to admit that it’s just another unfortunate side effect of his retirement. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I think this prompt is so cute. I wanna write twenty different versions of it. I would've posted it on tumblr but I already reblogged the prompt so I thought I wouldn't clutter my followers with the length of it. I'll just link it on a new post. Okay! Back to this Secret Santa. If you'd like to drop in, come to litindecency.tumblr.com (^-^)v


End file.
